B. burgdorferi

by Phillinois

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03:48
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02:23
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03:30

about

In 2012 I contracted Lyme disease. By 2014 I was in sorry shape and, among many things, could no longer play guitar. A year later and six months into recovery my wrists were well enough to play a bit on the synth, so I bought a 1987 Casio synthesizer off Craigslist. This album was written in six weeks as a result of some mega pent up creative energy.

credits

released November 27, 2015

All songs written, recorded, mixed and mastered by me, Phil Gerigscott, at my house in Goshen, Indiana. Guest vocals by my wife, Emma Gerigscott.

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Track Name: Play (Like To Like To)
nothin' I'd like to do more
than to make love on the floor with you
and cross the seas excessively
and sip the present like a tea

well it's more like I'd like to like to
do these things with you
but I'm not taking orders from me for now

we'll see once this
bacteria's lifeless
to whom my life bows
Track Name: There's No Point Believing It Will Get Much Worse
I used to brag about dumb things
never broke a bone or got a bee sting
no allergies
I look back nostalgically

at seventeen my lung collapsed
they fixed it once and then relapse
I owe everythin'
to modern medicine and my parents' health insurance

but don't believe it
you can't believe it
there's no point believing
it's gonna get much worse, yeah

then right before my twenty-first
a camping trip took a turn for the worst
I got mighty sick
from a measly tick
I felt ninety by my twenty-fifth

but don't believe it
you can't believe it
there's no point believing
it's gonna get much worse, yeah

we'll live forever
we'll love forever
everyone might suffer
but baby, we'll find a way out

denial got me into this
denial will get me out
denial got me into this
denial can get me out
I cried wolf just a little late
I'm assuming that it's slain
denial get me into this
I'll play denial's little game

but don't believe it
you can't believe it
there's no point believing
it's gonna get much worse

we'll live forever
we'll make love forever
everyone might suffer
but baby, we'll find a way out

I don't believe it
no, I can't believe it
there's no point believing
it's gonna get much worse, yeah
Track Name: Life Gave You Somethin'
I read what I could of Mr. Nietzsche
I read what I could of Dr. Hume
afraid I might have it too easy
lookin' for something to prove

I paraded around Machu Picchu
I paraded around like a fool
I paraded around Franz Joseph
just lookin' for some kind of tune

but then in a blink it all falls on your plate
and you think

life gave you somethin' to sing about
life gave you songs to sing
isn't that what you wanted
but now you can't sing a darn thing

it's like getting a gift of a hairbrush
after selling my hair for your gift
but replace the brush for inspiration
and the hair for a pile of dog shit

oh in a blink it all falls on your plate
and you think

life gave you somethin' to sing about
life gave you songs to sing
isn't that what you wanted
but now you can't sing a darn thing

I'm too tired
and I'm too tight
and I'm too swept with emotion

life gave you somethin' to sing about
life gave you songs to sing
isn't that all that you wanted
but now you can't sing a darn thing
Track Name: Now's Not The Time
fibers in teeth
bloated post-meat belly, oh me
I should put myself in shoes of the ewe
or at least for the sake of the environment
I mean what've I been doing for the betterment

but there's not much else I can even eat these days
but maybe I could think of something if I wasn't in such a daze

but now's not the time, not the time
now's not the time, not the time
now's not the time, not the time
to check my morals
to check my morals
mmm

I hate these gas guzzlin' war machines
and the lazy Indiana mentality
I'd like to ride my bike everywhere
but I'm sitting here in traffic with a blank stare

but I can hardly even stand these days
I get by telling myself it's just a phase

but now's not the time, not the time
now's not the time, not the time
now's not the time, not the time
to check my morals
to check my morals
mmm

does the soul transcend disease
does this troll get sympathy
Track Name: Mantra
"don't take life so seriously"
was the mantra to be written on my grave
until I started taking death a bit more seriously
and I seriously didn't like who I became
but I remained alive
and that's all that mattered at the time
but now it's time to sort through my design
Track Name: To Live To Breathe To Walk To Be
what'll it be like when the pain subsides
and I can do anything with a joyful cry
work a dead-end job in a depressed town
but my gratitude won't permit no frown
sing the drip drip drip of the coffee maker
give thanks to the ghostly water vapor
and the sip sip sip of the present tense
but presently I know I'm on the fence about this

to live, to breathe, to walk, to be
it's perfect for a moment or so
then my eyes set on the next goal

throw a fit fit fit oh the human condition
conditioned me to always be fishing
like an overflowing icebox can't stop a mission
when the mission's less a vision and more like a wishing
for the biggest, the best, most succulent catch
dripping with jealousy of all of my enemies
I can't just soak in the aimlessness
of this quiet and beautiful painlessness, no

to live, to breathe, to walk, to be
it's perfect for a moment or so
then my eyes set on the next goal

it's not the moral I would have chosen
but I saw it coming from miles away
Track Name: I Will Live Long Enough To Procrastinate (If It's The Last Thing I Do)
feel the fingers of anguish caress body
find shelter in the arms of melancholy
been waitin' in the brush pile for a while now
joke's on me, it was a holiday weekend
I owe my life to a chain of false hope
a few more, more links and I might reach the moat but
what a waste to give a face to a gator
what a waste to be a hater
count the ways I love you later

feel the crossbow of courage stab the back
pull the reins of a sluggish, sleepy lion
been feelin' a little different since I lost my knack
my mojo rolled out of that backpack
I owe my life to my money and connections
the unnatural selection that fights my infection
what a waste to give a face to a gator
it might pay to be a hater
but I'll look into that later

see the light at the end of the tunnel
get shocked by the slide, it's jealous of life
and I'm jealous of the living who live without strife
when before all I wanted was to earn some stripes, yeah but
what a waste to give a face to a gator
what a waste to be a hater
what a waste to be a hater
what a waste to be a hater
what a waste to be a hater
what a waste to be a hater
count the ways I love you later
it might pay to be a hater
it might pay to be a hater
it might pay to be a hater
count the ways I love you later
it might pay to be a hater
it might pay to be a hater
it might pay to be a hater
count the ways I love you later
Track Name: Luv
love
Track Name: Change
my dog’s looking up at me like she used to
I’m not sure she’s noticed a change
and I’m not sure, I’m not sure which I’d prefer
but she’s looking up at me like she always has

marionette, you drive that corvette so well
I’m drowning in sweat
pull over, pull over, pullover
marionette, you done well, kid

people still hire me like they used to
and cashiers greet me the same too
maybe I shouldn’t, maybe I should think it so strange
what’s it to me if I don’t count the change

marionette, you drive that corvette so well
I’m drowning in sweat
pull over, pull over, pullover
marionette, you done well, kid
Track Name: Tasteless, Unreal
soft light
people
tasteless
unreal

in the morning I wake up
I should make that call
it's been too long

soft light
people
tasteless
unreal

days pass by
words pass through line
and I get that grade
that grade

(soft light)
I step into (people)
who seems to be (tasteless)
food pass through me (unreal)
again I leak

relatives, books, music, and shows
friends and media tell me I'm not alone
it's all I want
Track Name: Pill$
money, it keeps me alive
money, it eats me from the inside
it's funny how I couldn't decide
if I should keep it all by my side
and just die
but oh, how stupid I'd've died

(here we go again)
you can't put a price on life
(so then what's the use)
but if you had to, what would it be
(what a classic nine)
'cause when these pills are bringing me strife
(the cosmos' abuse)
I think is there possibly
something more (well there's nothing more)
just a little more useful(oh there's nothing more useful)
than to spend it all on me

invisible diseases are the hardest to beat
oh brother
if we get the two together, maybe they'll beat each other
we'll see
it'd be a long shot, but we'll see

(here we go again)
the wind on my face is real
(then raise the sail)
the roaring river, tangible
(and float away)
but money, still the greatest of feels
(tripping on the roots)
weighs me down like a bowling ball in an ocean (on your way to the ocean)
drown these little spirochetes
before you do me in

invisible diseases are the hardest to beat
if we get the two together, maybe they'll beat each other
we'll see
it'd be a long shot, but we'll see
it'd be amazing, but we'll see

money, it keeps me alive
oh, money, it eats me from the inside